Pépé le Moko (1937)

The title character of Pépé le Moko, played by Jean Gabin, is a gangster from Paris who manages to elude the French authorities by hiding out in the Casbah, a tortuous citadel in Algiers.  His nemesis is Inspector Slimane (Lucas Gridoux), who bides his time waiting for Pépé to leave the Casbah so that he can be arrested.  Gaby (Mireille Balin) is the mistress of a rich businessman.  She and some friends visit the Casbah, during which she meets Pépé.  They fall in love, and so much so that Pépé can no longer stand being cooped up in the Casbah, which leads to him to leave so he can be with her all the time, giving Slimane the chance he has been waiting for.

You can tell when a movie is trying to impose an attitude on you, but it just doesn’t take. We are obviously supposed to regard Pépé as a charming rogue, but he is rude and inconsiderate. We are supposed to feel sorry for Inès (Line Noro), who truly loves him, but it is hard to care about a woman who will allow a man to treat her like dirt.

We are supposed to believe that Pépé and Gaby truly love each other, but I could not begin to swallow that one. Though Pépé appears to be about thirty years old, and supposedly has had his way with countless women, yet we are asked to believe he would fall madly in love with Gaby at first sight, acting as if he had the emotional maturity of an adolescent half his age. And she is a hard boiled, gold digging mistress of an older man, so true love at first sight does not suit her very well either.

We are not supposed to like Slimane, but I kept pulling for him to catch Pépé and put him in prison as he deserves. But nothing so mundane. When Pépé realizes he cannot have the woman he loves, he carves himself up with a knife. Oh well, at least the bad guy died in the end.

Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

The Many Versions of Once Upon a Time in America

After going for more than a decade without making a movie, Sergio Leone finally completed Once Upon a Time in America in 1984.  As he was and still is my favorite director, it was with great expectations that I went to the theater to see it.  I was disappointed.  I couldn’t believe how flat and lackluster it was. That December, I watched Gene Siskel and Roger Ebert give their lists for the best movies of 1984 in their show At the Movies.  Siskel said his pick for the best movie of 1984 was Once Upon a Time in America.  I was stunned.  But he immediately explained himself.  He dismissed the theatrical release that I had seen as worthless, and said he was basing his pick on the version released in Europe. Ebert said he would have picked that movie to be the best as well, but he felt he was limited to movies as they were when they came to American theaters.

Soon thereafter, I saw the European cut on cable.  Unlike the theatrical release, which was 139 minutes long and told the story in chronological order, the European cut, which is 229 minutes, is filled with flashbacks and flashforwards, and includes the scenes in the opium den.  Furthermore, the European cut has a composition by Ennio Morricone, “Poverty,” that fills one with a feeling of loss, which is essential to the movie, but which was completely absent from the theatrical release. Suffice it to say that the European cut is every bit as good as Siskel and Ebert said it was.

After seeing the movie on cable, I decided it was time to buy a video cassette recorder so I could have my very own copy of the movie on video tape.  However, the version on video tape was in standard format, not widescreen.  Somewhat later, the movie was released in widescreen on laserdisc, which I bought.  In order to get the entire movie on that format, there were two discs, each of which had to be turned over to watch what was on the other side.  However, someone made a mistake in producing these discs, so that side one of the second disc, labeled Part 3, was the last part of the movie, which meant side two, labeled Part 4, needed to be watched first.  But the way this movie jumps around in time, you might not realize at first that you were watching the movie out of order.  If ever there was a movie where such a mistake should not have been made, this was it.

In any event, I knew from the credits that the movie had been based on the semi-autobiographical novel The Hoods by Harry Grey, a gangster who had written the novel while he was serving time in Sing Sing, so I looked for it in the bookstore.  Instead, I came across a paperback with the title Once Upon a Time in America.  It was my first experience with a novelization, a book that reverses the normal order of things and uses a movie as its source.  Someone decided to publish that instead of issuing a reprint of The Hoods.  In what follows, when I refer to the novel on which this movie is based, I am referring to The Hoods, not the novelization.

Recently, an “extended director’s cut” of 251 minutes became available on DVD.  In some cases, the additional material helps prepare us for stuff that comes later.  In others, it helps us to better understand what is going on.

According to Christopher Frayling, in his book Sergio Leone:  Something to Do With Death, Leone had ten hours of footage to start with, which he edited down to six hours, thinking about releasing the movie in two parts, but finally settled on a version close to four hours long [page 458].  There are rumors of a 270 minute cut that will probably never be seen, not even on DVD, because the actors never dubbed in their voices on the additional material [page 462].

And finally, there is the additional footage that existed only in Leone’s mind, as when he wanted the scene where Noodles (Robert De Niro) is making his way to an opium den in Chinatown to be filmed in Hong Kong [page 458].

The Basic Story

I have no wish to try the reader’s patience by presenting a complete synopsis, but only to mention what I think is absolutely essential for even a minimal discussion of this movie.  There are three time periods during which the action of this movie takes place. The movie is not explicit about the dates of the first two, and different sources vary slightly in this regard.  I have picked the dates that make the most sense.

1920.  Jewish teenagers in the Lower East Side of Manhattan are budding criminals in 1920.  They agree to put half the money they make in a suitcase, kept in a locker in a train station.  One of those young hoodlums, Noodles, is in love with Deborah, and his best friend is Max.  Noodles kills a rival gangster and then stabs a policeman, for which he is sent to prison.

1932-33.  Noodles gets out of prison in 1932.  He rejoins the gang, and they get into more serious crimes, such as the holdup of a wholesale jewelry establishment, where a woman named Carol (Tuesday Weld) is employed.  She is in on the heist, and during the excitement, she encourages Noodles to hit her.  He does that, and then he rapes her as well.  She eventually becomes the girlfriend of Max (James Woods).

The gang also makes a deal with Jimmy O’Donnell (Treat Williams), a union boss, helping him succeed in a strike.

When Noodles finds out that Deborah (Elizabeth McGovern) is leaving for Hollywood to pursue her acting career, instead of marrying him as he hoped, he becomes so angry that he rapes her.

Note 1:  The rape of Deborah is perhaps the most unpleasant, prolonged rape ever shown in a major motion picture, worse even than the rape of Carol, which was bad enough. Audiences and critics alike were scandalized.  Leone only made matters worse when he said the rape was “an act of love by a man who has lost the only thing he has ever wanted” [page 448].  And, indeed, such a remark would be regarded as outrageous by anyone that regards love as something beautiful, so that Noodles’ love for Deborah is being thought of as excusing what he did.  Instead, this remark is only intended to be an explanation, an explanation that also sees the ugly side of love.

Note 2:  The extended director’s cut introduces the character Eve as a woman Noodles picks up in a nightclub right after he rapes Deborah. He hires Eve to pretend to be Deborah and tell him that she loves him. In the European cut, she just seems to show up out of nowhere later on.  By “later,” I mean that in the chronological sense, not in the movie sense.  As far as the movie is concerned, she is the first person we see in the opening scene.

Max wants the gang to knock over the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, which would be suicide for all of them.  To keep that from happening, Carol tells Noodles to figure out some way to get them all arrested and put in jail, long enough for Max to forget about that crazy idea.  Noodles takes her advice.  He calls the police and tells them about a shipment of alcohol they will be transporting on the last night before the repeal of Prohibition.  Things go terribly wrong, and Max is apparently killed.

Note 3:  Lying in the street beside Patsy and Cockeye, two other members of the gang since boyhood, is a body, presumably Max, burned beyond recognition.  This is not meant to fool us.  We know that when someone in a movie is supposedly dead, but the corpse is disfigured beyond recognition, that person is probably not dead. This is only meant to deceive Noodles and anyone else in the movie who was not in on it.

Note 4:  The scene in Miami where Max announces that he has dreamed of robbing the Federal Reserve Bank of New York all his life is hard to accept because it is the first time anyone has heard about it. We should have been prepared for this, perhaps by having Max say something to that effect to Noodles when they were teenagers.  In fact, that is what happens in the novel.  This is also the scene where Eve shows up, seemingly out of nowhere in the European cut.  The extended director’s cut introduces us to Eve earlier on, but it does not include any earlier remark by Max about robbing the Federal Reserve Bank. One might suppose that such a remark was filmed, but never made it into the movie. However, in the scene where we first hear about Max’s lifelong dream to rob the Federal Reserve Bank, Noodles acts as though this is the first time he is hearing about it as well.

Noodles tries to ease his guilt by going to an opium den, which is part of a Chinese theater, where the audience watches a show consisting of shadow puppets.  An attendant fills an opium pipe for him, which Noodles puffs on and then goes to sleep. But he is awakened later by the attendant, who tells him a couple of gangsters are in the theater looking for him, because he ratted out his friends, and he needs to get away. He finds out from Fat Moe, Deborah’s brother, that the gangsters have already killed Eve.  Knowing he must leave town, Noodles goes to get the suitcase with the money the gang has accumulated over the years, but it is filled only with newspapers.

1968.  Thirty-five years later, Noodles returns to his old neighborhood, owing to a letter he received informing him that the bodies of his friends have been moved to another cemetery, but which really tells him that someone knows where he has been hiding all this time.  At the cemetery, inside a mausoleum, he finds a key to another locker at the train station.  It turns out to hold a suitcase full of money, with a note saying it is payment for his next job.

He finds out that Carol has been living in the Bailey Foundation, which is a rest home established by a Mr. Bailey, who is presently the Secretary of Commerce.  She tells him that Max wanted to die because there was insanity in his family, which he was afraid he had inherited and would go crazy himself some day.  So, he put the idea of informing on the gang in her head, so that he could commit suicide by cop.  While she and Noodles talk, he sees a picture of Deborah with a lot of other people at the Bailey Foundation on opening night, taken some fifteen years earlier. Carol says she is some famous actress, whom she does not know.  From there, Noodles locates Deborah, who is performing in Antony and Cleopatra.

Note 5:  In the extended director’s cut, we see Deborah’s performance as Cleopatra when she commits suicide, which in turn is a premonition of Max’s real suicide.

Noodles talks to Deborah after her performance.  He knows she has been living with Secretary Bailey for years.  Bailey has a teenage son, supposedly by a woman he married, but who later died. However, we can’t be sure this is true, and we wonder if he is Deborah’s son as well.  When Noodles sees Bailey’s son, played by the same actor who played Max when they were young, he realizes that Secretary Bailey is actually Max.

Having been sent an invitation to attend a party at Secretary Bailey’s mansion, Noodles decides to accept, even though Deborah pleads with him not to.  At that party, Max tells Noodles that he, Max, will be assassinated before he can testify in front of a Senate committee, so he says he wants Noodles to kill him instead, as a way of letting him have the revenge he deserves.  Noodles refuses even to acknowledge that he is talking to Max, calling him “Mr. Bailey,” indicating that he prefers to continue believing that he was the one that betrayed Max rather than the other way around. Noodles leaves, and as he walks down the street, he sees what appears to be Max walking behind a garbage truck that can grind up stuff. The grinder suddenly starts making a lot of noise, after which the man is nowhere to be seen.

Note 6:  In the theatrical release, there is no garbage truck.  Instead, Noodles hears the sound of a gunshot, from which we are to suppose that Max shot himself in the head.  As for the European cut, it is not certain that Max did get himself ground up in the garbage truck.  Twice before, Max pretended to be dead but really was not:  the first time, when he pretended to have drowned in 1920; the second time, when he pretended he had been killed by the police in 1933.  And now, in 1968, it may be that Max is only pretending to be dead for a third time.

Note 7:  The Hoods was published in 1952, and it ends with Noodles telling us how he got away, but can’t say where he has been hiding out all these years.  Consequently, the part of the movie where Noodles comes back in 1968 is not based on the novel.  And yet, according to Frayling, Grey told Leone that one of the liberties he had taken with the truth was in having Max be killed in the novel.  In actuality, he admitted, “Max” was still alive.  In fact, “Max” had recently wanted to pull off a holdup with Grey, but Grey’s wife threatened to leave him if he went along with it.  A few weeks later, Grey saw “Max” being arrested on television.  So, the idea that Max is really still alive, if not based on the novel, was the nevertheless inspired by Grey in a conversation he had with Leone.  [page 401]

Note 8:  Halfway through the movie, in the extended director’s cut, we see Noodles looking at the garbage truck.  Right after that, he sees a car that has been following him around suddenly explode, a car belonging to Secretary Bailey, but who was not in it at the time. This prepares us for the idea that there are people who want to kill Secretary Bailey before he can testify in front of a Senate committee, fearing he will confess to the various forms of corruption he has been involved in over the years, thereby implicating others.  The man behind this determined effort to kill Bailey/Max is Jimmy O’Donnell.  He indicates that Max’s son will also be killed if Max doesn’t cooperate by signing over most of his wealth, with twelve percent being left for his son if he does sign.  Max signs the papers.  Before Jimmy leaves Max’s office, he lets Max know that it would be for the best if he committed suicide.  He tells Max that he is going to join the party, and it will please him if he hears a gunshot before the party is over.

Time

According to Frayling, the passage of time is the central theme of this movie [page 392].  This is not time understood as an abstraction, as merely that in which events may or may not occur.  Rather, time is to be understood existentially, in it’s significance for the person whose life at first is naively experienced, and then comes to be colored by memories, with regrets about the past and with a sense that the future is slipping away, with a feeling of time that has been lost.  This is why the flashbacks and flashforwards are essential to the movie, so that the significance of the present is bound up in things that happened in the past and will happen in the future.

When Noodles and his gang are just boys, but before they meet Max, they try to roll a drunk for his watch. However, Max manages to get to the drunk first and take that watch.  Then Whitey, a corrupt cop, whose beat is the gang’s neighborhood, takes the watch from both of them.  They get the watch back from Whitey when they take a picture of him having sex with Peggy, an underage prostitute. Max still has that watch when Noodles finds him again in 1968.  Needless to say, the watch is a physical representation of time.

As noted above, when Noodles and Max were young, he and the other members of the gang agreed to save half the money they made in suitcase, stored in a locker in the train station.  The key to the locker was given to Fat Moe.  He attached it to the key to his clock.  When Noodles realizes he needs to go into hiding, he takes both keys with him.  When he returns thirty-five years later, he hands Fat Moe the key to his clock, which he then uses to wind the clock for the first time in all those years. The idea, of course, is that it is as if time has stood still, in the sense that nothing of significance in their lives has happened during those years.  This is confirmed when Moe asks Noodles what he has been doing all these years, and he says, “I’ve been going to bed early.” Perhaps this is an allusion to Swann’s Way, the first volume of Marcel Proust’s In Search of Lost Time, in which the opening line is, “For a long time I used to go to bed early.”

This theme is reinforced by various pieces of music in the 1968 section that have something to do with time:  “Summertime,” “Night and Day,” and “Yesterday.”

Deborah/Dream/Love/Opium

Early in the movie, Noodles remembers how he used to stand on a toilet and peek through a crack in the wall to watch Deborah (Jennifer Connelly, playing her as a teenager) dancing in the storeroom of her father’s kosher restaurant. There are stacks of flour in the storeroom, and the dust from the flour creates a haze, giving the scene a dreamlike quality.  At other points in the movie, Noodles looks at her through rising steam, creating a similar effect.  She dances to “Amapola,” a song comparing a pretty girl to a poppy, the flower from which opium is derived. Together these elements form a constellation of themes running through this movie: Deborah/dream/love/opium.

Noodles/Reality/Sex/Filth

Deborah knows that Noodles is watching her, and so, on another occasion, she surprises him by opening the door of the restroom, saying, “That record’s just like Ex-Lax. Every time I put it on, you have to go to the bathroom.” It is important that she does not enter the restroom. Previously in the movie, in a scene that, quite frankly, grosses me out whenever I watch it, Noodles goes into the communal restroom for the floor of the tenement his family lives in. He sits down on the toilet. Peggy also lives with her family on that floor. When Noodles realizes Peggy is coming to use the restroom too, he unlocks the door so that he can expose himself to her.  Unlike Deborah, Peggy walks right in, and Noodles spreads his legs. He gets up from the toilet and starts making sexual advances. She says she is about poop in her pants, after which she plops down on the toilet he just got up from, telling him to get out. Throughout the movie there are innumerable references to garbage, excrement, and anal sex. Taken together, all this leads to an opposing constellation of themes: Noodles/reality/sex/filth.

The Beginning and End of Prohibition

As the movie jumps back and forth in time, it always seems to heading toward the end of Prohibition. When Noodles and Max first become friends, Prohibition has only recently become the law of the land. Their friendship comes to an end just before the repeal of Prohibition becomes effective, when Noodles believes he has caused the death of Max.

Furthermore, Noodles’ love for Deborah begins around the same time, in the early days of Prohibition, and his dream of marrying her comes to an end when he rapes her.  Elizabeth McGovern, who plays Deborah when she is grown up, said she understood that “the point of the part is that she is an imaginary woman” [page 446]. In brutally raping her, Noodles drags her out of the dream/love/opium constellation into his own world of reality/sex/filth.  The next day, he sees her sitting by a window of the train that will take her away, and when she sees him, she pulls down the shade, shutting him out of her life forever.  Just before she got on the train, we saw her picking up the December 5, 1933 copy of the New York Times, announcing the repeal of Prohibition, ending at 5:32 PM that day.  The beginning of Prohibition is the beginning of Noodles’ friendship with Max and his love for Deborah; the end of Prohibition is the end of that friendship and the end of that love.

The newspaper Deborah buys at the station is regarded by some critics as a goof, because in subsequent scenes, reference is made to the fact that Prohibition has not ended yet, though it soon will.  And then, when Max, Carol, Noodles, and Eve go to Miami, we see them reading the November 24, 1933 copy of the Miami Herald, which says that Prohibition will end in December.

However, a scene occurring many years later, in 1968, makes it clear that this connection to the end of Prohibition is not intended to be understood realistically. After Noodles leaves Max’s mansion, and we have seen the garbage truck move on down the street, this is followed by a bunch of revelers coming down the street in a car that appears to be from the days of Prohibition, as we hear the song “God Bless America,” sung by Kate Smith. The sounds they make and the background music are identical to what we heard at the beginning of the movie, as Eve prepared to enter the apartment she shared with Noodles. They are the sounds of people celebrating the end of Prohibition. In other words, even in 1968, it seems we are still approaching the end of Prohibition.

An Opium Dream

It still seems to be the end of Prohibition because what happens in 1968 is actually just a dream, a dream that is taking place at the end of Prohibition. As Frayling points out, one problem with this theory is that Noodles would not know about 1968 technology, like television [page 424].  But that can be justified as dramatic license:  1968 as we know it to be must stand in for 1968 as Noodles might have imagined it in 1933.

After Noodles rapes Deborah, he tries to forget what he did by spending time in an opium den. This is referred to, but not seen. We do see two scenes of him in the opium den, however, both of them being after he thinks he has killed Max. The first time is at the beginning of the movie, where we see him leaving; the second time is at the end of the movie, where we see him entering. Bookending the movie in this way, with the leaving being seen in the beginning and the arriving at the end, we are encouraged to see the movie as Noodles’ opium dream, an obsessive dream that could be starting all over again. The shadow puppets Noodles looks at after he enters the Chinese theater, while waiting to get into the opium den, reinforce the idea of a dream, of an illusion. As his dream takes place at the end of Prohibition, the scenes set in the future are not real, but only part of his wish-fulfilling dream. In that dream, he denies the reality of Max’s death, and imagines that it was really Max who betrayed him, stealing all the money the gang had accumulated. Furthermore, by having Deborah be Max’s lover, and possibly be the mother of Max’s child, his dream makes it appear that she betrayed Noodles, in a way that would make sense only to Noodles’ way of thinking, thereby alleviating his guilt over having raped her.

Note 9:  It is natural enough to suppose that the scenes that take place before Noodles goes to the opium den, right after thinking he has caused Max’s death, are veridical. However, his opium dream may even be encompassing earlier events, even those in 1920, memories distorted by the opium and his desire to understand the past in a way that absolves him of any guilt.  After all, the flashback to Noodles’ childhood days begins in 1968, when he stands on that toilet, remembering how he used to spy on Deborah.  If the 1968 portion of the movie is a dream, then the flashback in 1968, representing his memory, would have to be part of that dream.  A scene that was filmed, but not included in the movie, Frayling characterizes as “Noodles’ opium-rich flashback to himself, Max and the gang as children” [page 459].

When Max offers Noodles the chance to get his revenge for stealing all the money, taking his girl, and ruining his life, Noodles magnanimously refuses to accept this reality, saying that he prefers the delusion he has lived with all these years, the one in which he betrayed Max.  But this too is just part of the dream.  Having convinced himself that it was really Max who betrayed him, he gets the benefit of seeing Max ground up like garbage, while at the same time casting himself as the true friend after all.

Note 10:  Noodles never minded making a deal with the Italians when he was young, helping them save shipments of alcohol that had to be thrown overboard, but he never wanted to get involved with them in a big way, with Frankie (Joe Pesci) in particular.  And he didn’t mind assisting Jimmy O’Donnell and his union to win a strike, but once again he didn’t want to get involved with the unions in a big way, especially with “party leaders” like Sharkey, presumably communists, who were behind the labor movement.

Max, on the other hand, wanted to get involved with both Frankie and Sharkey, believing that more money and power could be acquired by being a part of the organizations these men represented. When Noodles said he didn’t want anything to do with these organizations, Max said, “You still think like some street schmuck.”

In the extended director’s cut, Jimmy O’Donnell, speaking on behalf of those very organizations that now want Max out of the way, puts pressure on Max to give up his wealth and his own life as well.  This is another aspect of the wish-fulfilling dream that Noodles is having, one that vindicates him, proving that he was right all along to avoid entanglements with politicians and the syndicate.

In the final scene, which is in the opium den, we see Noodles take a puff on the opium pipe. The expression that suddenly appears on his face is one of happiness, but it is only the false kind of happiness that opium provides, a temporary illusion in a world of filth.

Cinematic Influences

In Once Upon a Time in the West (1968), a previous movie by Sergio Leone, there are quotations of old movies, especially Westerns.  According to Frayling, there are many such connections for Once Upon a Time in America as well.

First of all, the Noodles of the novel was influenced negatively by gangster movies:

Noodles was at pains to distance himself throughout the book from phoney ‘moving picture holdupnicks,’ ‘loused-up stories of hoodlums’ and the fast-talking heroics of Hollywood professional criminals.  [page 383]

Leone didn’t care for the novel as literature, but in his conversation with Harry Grey, he became aware of cinematic influences on the author himself:

And yet, as Sergio Leone was quick to notice, the book seemed to have been written by the screenwriter of a low-grade ‘B’ movie.  The first-person narrator even reminded him of a Hollywood voice-over:  ‘The grotesque realism of this elderly gangster who, at the end of his life, couldn’t stop himself using a repertoire of cinematic citations, of gestures and words seen and heard thousands of times on the big screen, stimulated my curiosity and amused me.  I was struck by the vanity of this attempt and by the grandeur of its bankruptcy.’  When the fable takes over from the actual life of the author, ‘that could be a great subject for a film.’  [page 384]

Frayling then goes on to point out connections between events in the book and classic gangster movies produced in the 1930s and 1940s.

The novel in turn had some influence on Leone’s previous films, the harmonica in Once Upon a Time in the West stemming from Cockeye’s harmonica in the novel, though that became a pan flute in Once Upon a Time in America.  The conflict between Noodles and his brother regarding their sick mother is reflected in the conflict between Tuco and his brother, Father Ramirez, in The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966), regarding their parents.  Juan’s dream of robbing the bank at Mesa Verde in Duck, You Sucker (1971) corresponds to Max’s dream of robbing the Federal Reserve Bank. [pages 387-88]

Just as the basic structure of Once Upon a Time in the West was based on Johnny Guitar (1954), the basic structure of Once Upon a Time in America, according to Frayling, is Citizen Kane (1941):  Noodles corresponds to the investigative reporter trying to get to the bottom of a mystery; Carol, who is a resident in the Bailey Foundation, a rest home for old people, corresponds to Jed Leland; Fat Moe corresponds to Bernstein; Deborah to Susan Alexander; and Max, as Secretary Bailey, corresponds to Charles Foster Kane [page 421].

Within that basic framework, quotations from gangster movies abound, as noted by Frayling:

In some sense, the trappings of the genre were a ruse, as Leone was at pains to point out:  ‘It is not a film about gangsters.  It is a film about nostalgia for a certain period and a certain type of cinema and a certain type of literature.’

Nevertheless, the ‘citations’ were certainly there:  from the Chinese theater (The Lady from Shanghai, 1948) to the contract killing (The Killers, 1946) to the gangster revisiting his childhood neighborhood (Angels with Dirty Faces, 1938; Dead End, 1937); with one protagonist feeling nostalgic about the anarchic early days (High Sierra, 1941), the other becoming increasingly megalomaniac (White Heat, 1949), and both having to confront a complicated new world of unions and politics (Bullets or Ballots, 1936).  The suitcase at the train station recalled Cry of the City (1948) and The Killing (1956); Noodles’ relationship with Deborah resembled Eddie Bartlett’s with Jean Sherman in The Roaring Twenties (1939), and the elderly Noodles’ arrival at Senator [sic] Bailey’s Long Island party mirrored Police Sergeant Bannion’s arrival at the affluent mansion of Mike Lagana, head of the crime syndicate, in The Big Heat (1953).  [page 422]

One connection that Frayling fails to mention is Cody Jarret’s fear of inherited insanity in White Heat, which may be why Cody preferred literally going out in a blaze of glory, just as Max feared going insane and brought about his own end, in which he too was burnt to a crisp.

The opium dream itself has its citation, “reminiscent of John Boorman’s Point Blank (1967), where Walker’s (Lee Marvin) tale of revenge may be just wish fulfillment as he is left for dead on a deserted Alcatraz.” Leone preferred the ambiguity of a double reading, as what actually happens, and as opium dream [page 424].

The citations listed above are mostly conceptual, as opposed to those of Once Upon a Time in the West, which are in some cases conceptual, but in many cases visual, so that if you have seen the movies being quoted, the images alone will establish the connections.

Frayling provides even more connections, too numerous to go into here.  Suffice it to say that in this movie, art reflects life, life reflects art, and then art reflects life reflecting art.

Knife in the Water (1962)

Andrzej and Krystyna are married and sick of each other.  They pick up a hitchhiker and end up offering to take him sailing without bothering to find out what his name is.  But his name really does not matter. What matters is that he has a knife.

According to Chekhov, if you make people aware of a gun early on in a story, sooner or later someone in the story will have to shoot the gun. If the gun is not going to be fired, it should not be in the story. Now, knives are more common than guns, and are used for mundane purposes, such as cutting the meat on one’s plate, so the rule that applies to guns cannot automatically be applied to knives. Unless, that is, it is a wicked-looking, gravity-propelled, telescoping knife with a four-inch, locking blade. When you put a knife like that in a story, then Chekhov’s law applies to that weapon as well, and it is required that someone get cut with it.

But no one does. Not only is this knife referred to in the title, but it is introduced early on and emphasized again and again. The tension is built up as the knife is used to play a dangerous game of stabbing between the fingers of a spread out hand. It is used again when it is several times thrown across the cabin and into the wall. And it is used to cut the halyard when the sailboat runs aground. This would be like having a gun in a movie that has the word “gun” in its title, with people showing off their marksmanship or using it for some ordinary practical end. It would not satisfy our need to see the gun used for a more deadly purpose, just as these various employments of the knife do not satisfy our expectation that someone will be stabbed with it. But no one is.

Finally, Andrzej takes the young man’s knife and throws it in the water. The idea is that the young man was very fond of his knife, and Andrzej threw it in the water out of spite. But in that case, the object might just as well have been a harmonica that the young man was fond of. As it is, the fact that no one got stabbed after all the emphasis placed on the knife leaves us disappointed, especially since we put up with a lot of boring nonsense waiting for something to happen. Roman Polanski, who directed this movie, must have eventually figured this out and tried to make amends by having Jack Nicholson get his nose sliced in Chinatown.

Politics

Below are essays I have written under the category of Politics, beginning with the more recent ones, along with links to them.

Prognostications on the Deficit
Truth, Reality, and Ideology
Death and Taxes
Newspeak at the CDC
The Philosophy of Doing Nothing
Is Hate Innate?
Musings on the Market
Is Trump the Modern David?
Starting a War Sure Makes People Feel Good
Liberty versus Happiness
On the Likelihood of Impeachment
Great Progress Has Been Made Regarding Israel
The People Must Never Know
On the Irrational Nature of Voting
The Wall Is Dead
The Lies That No One Believes
“Of All the Gin Joints….”
Blaming the Victim or Counseling Prudence?
On Donald Trump’s Threat
When Is a Religion Not a Religion?
On the Distinction between Civilians and the Military
MyRA, My Ass
Deconstructing the Look on Ben Carson’s Face
On the Need for Public Displays of Grief
A Social Security Miscellany
On the Efficacy of the Will
On the Question of Fetal Pain

Reflections of a Moneylender

Culture

Below is a list of essays I have written under the category of Culture, with the more recent ones listed first, including links to those essays.

Rape Is about Sex
Consensual Sex and the Double Standard
On the Significance and Function of Holidays
On Whether a Dishwasher Is a Luxury or a Necessity
Warren Buffett Predicts Dow 1,000,000 in 100 Years
“Morning Joe” Needs a Divorce
The Return of Torture
English for the Twenty-First Century
On the Need to Waste Food and a Suggestion as a Way to Eliminate That Need
Patriotism and Justice
On the Segregation of the Sexes
The Final Solution
An Unfair Conversation
On the Need for Separate Restrooms
Blaming the Victim
Disease Etiquette
Has No Always Meant No?
The Phenomenology of Guns
On the Need for Society’s Approval in Matters of Love
On the Failure of New Year’s Resolutions
Reflections on the Trojan Horse
The Holidays with My Favorite Gold Digger
When It Is Truly Better to Give Than to Receive
Speaking about the Speaker
The Final Phase of Feminism
How Same-Sex Marriage Would Have Resolved a $22,222.22 Moral Dilemma
On the Need to Reform Our Present System of Naming Children

Movie Themes

Below is a list of essays I have written concerning movies connected by a common theme, along with links to them.

Atheists in American Movies
Religious Movies for Atheists
Movies about Life after Death
When Is a Good Man not a Good Man? When He Is a Family Man.
Why Isn’t There a Children’s Day?
The Perfect War for an Antiwar Movie
Domestic Violence in the Movies
Heaven in the Movies
Hollywood vs. Abortion
Labor Unions and the Movies
Moses Movies
Movie Marijuana
Movies That Might Have Been
New World Order Movies
On the Effect of the Supernatural in Horror Movies
On the Rehabilitation of Judas
Rape and Race in the Movies
The Evolution of Torture in the Movies

The Head and the Heart
The Hopeless Gunman
Why I Hate Quantum Mechanics

Child-Molester Movies (Pre-1968)

Has No Always Meant No

Political Movies of the Past

Movie Reviews

Below is a list of the movies I have reviewed, along with links to those reviews, most of which contain spoilers.  Some of the reviews are incorporated in essays under the category Movie Themes.

Reviews in progress

7th Heaven (1927)
200 Motels (1971)
A Day in the Country (1936)
A Minute to Pray, a Second to Die (1968)
Ali: Fear Eats the Soul (1974)
Always (1985)

Being There (1979)
Bird of Paradise (1932)
Bitter Victory (1957)
Black Girl (1966)
Black Orpheus (1959)
Blacula (1972)
Breezy (1973)
Brideshead Revisited (1981)
Brideshead Revisited (2008)
Bridesmaids (2011)
Broken Blossoms or The Yellow Man and the Girl (1919)
Buffalo Bill and the Indians, or Sitting Bull’s History Lesson (1976)
Chances Are (1989)
Cheyenne Autumn (1964)
Clash of the Titans (1981)
Dark City (1950)
Devils Doorway (1950)
Diary of a Country Priest (1951)
Dirty Harry (1971)
Duel at Diablo (1966)
Eyes Without a Face (1960)
Fellini Satyricon (1969)
Field of Dreams (1989)
Fury (2014)
Ghost (1990)
Gloria (1980)
God Bless America (2011)
Goldfinger (1964)
Hair (1979)
Heaven with a Gun (1969)
Hiroshima Mon Amour (1959)
Inside Llewn Davis (2013)
Insignificance (1985)
Intolerance: Love’s Struggle Throughout the Ages (1916)

It’s Alive (1974 and 2009)
Jaws (1975)
Judgment Night (1993)
Juliet of the Spirits (1965)
Knife in the Water (1962)
L’Avventura (1960)
La Grande Illusion (1937)
Lone Star (1996)
Lured (1947)
Man of Flowers (1983)
Maniac (1934)
Missing in Action (1984)
Mon oncle d’Amérique (1980)
My Darling Clementine (1946)
Never Fear (1949)

New York, New York (1977)
Night Moves (2013)
No Escape (2015)
Nocturnal Animals (2016)
Nosferatu (1922)
Only Angels Have Wings (1939)
Orpheus (1950)
Our Daily Bread (1934)
Outrage (1950)

Penny Serenade (1941)
Pépé le Moko
Phantom Lady (1944)
Poltergeist (1982)
Rain Man (1988)
Rancho Deluxe (1975)
Rich and Strange (1931)
Rise of the Dead (2007)
Rock Around the Clock (1956)

Sanders of the River (1935)
Sands of the Kalahari (1965)
Say Anything… (1989)
Shakespeare in Love (1998)
Slumdog Millionaire (2008)
Somewhere in Time (1980)
Stage Fright (1950)
Straight Time (1978)
Strategic Air Command (1955)
Swept Away (1974)
That Obscure Object of Desire (1977)
The Chase (1966)
The Concert for Bangladesh (1972)
The Conformist (1970)
The Crowd (1928)
The Devil Rides Out (1968)
The Fastest Gun Alive (1956)
The Fury (1978)
The Hanging Tree (1959)
The Hole (1960)
The Hunger Games (2012)
The Jazz Singer (1927)
The Ledge (2011)
The Left Handed Gun (1958)
The Lord of the Rings:  The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)
The Lord of the Rings:  The Two Towers (2002)
The Lord of the Rings:  The Return of the King (2003)
The Man Who Loved Cat Dancing (1973)
The Many Loves of Dobie Gillis (1959-1963)

The Marrying Kind (1952)
The Rain People (1969)
The Strange Love of Molly Louvain (1932)
The Sunset Unlimited (2011)
The Virgin Spring (1960)
The Young Philadelphians (1959)
This Gun for Hire (1942)
Three Colors:  Blue (1993)
Three Colors:  Red (1994)
Three Colors:  White (1994)
To the Last Man (1933)
Whispering Smith (1948)
White Squall (1996)
Wild Strawberries (1957)
Wilson (1944)
Wings (1927)
Women in Love (1969)

Reviews posted elsewhere

7 Men from Now (1956)
99 Homes (2014)A Face in the Crowd (1957)

A Chump at Oxford (1939)

A Fistful of Dollars (1964)
A Guy Named Joe (1943)
A Matter of Life and Death (1946)
A Passage to India (1984)
A Place in the Sun (1951)

A Summer Place (1959)

A Thousand Clowns (1965)Adam’s Rib (1949)
Agora (2009)
Alice Adams (1935)

All That Heaven Allows (1955)
All Quiet on the Western Front (1930)
Always (1989)
An American Tragedy (1931)

And Then There Were None (1945)

And Then There Were None (2015)

Angel and the Badman (1947)
Angel Heart (1987)

Angels with Dirty Faces (1938)
Aparajito (1956)
Arrival (2016)
Arrowsmith (1931)

Banning (1967)
Baby Face (1933)
Becky Sharp (1935)
Blackboard Jungle (1955)
Blue Denim (1959)

Boomerang! (1947)

Boudu Saved from Drowning (1932)

Caged (1950)

Calcutta (1946)

Call Her Savage (1932)

Camelot (1967)

Capricorn One (1977)
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin (2001)

Cast a Dark Shadow (1955)
Cat-Women of the Moon (1953)
Children of Men (2006)

Cimarron (1931)
Cimarron (1960)

Close Encounters of the Third Kind (1977)

Colossus:  The Forbin Project (1970)

Coma (1978)
Compulsion (1959)
Contact (1997)

Coup de Chance (2023)
Cries & Whispers (1972)
Crimson Peak (2015)
Crimson Tide (1995)
Damn Yankees (1958)

Dark Passage (1947)
Dark Victory (1939)

Darker Than Amber (1970)

David and Bathsheba (1951)
Death Wish (1974)
Death Wish (2018)
Death Wish II (1982)
Defending Your Life (1991)

Devil in a Blue Dress (1995)
Don’t Breathe (2016)
Double Indemnity (1944)
Down to Earth (2001)
Dr. Ehrlich’s Magic Bullet (1940)
Dr. Mabuse:  The Gambler (1922)
Dr. No (1962)

Elmer Gantry (1960)

ETs Among Us:  UFO Witnesses and Whistleblowers (2016)

Ex Machina (2014)

Excalibur (1981)
Executive Action (1973)
Exodus:  Gods and Kings (2014)

Farewell, My Lovely (1975)

The Flight of the Phoenix (1965)

For a Few Dollars More (1965)

Foreign Correspondent (1940)

Fort Apache (1948)

Four Daughters (1938)

Frenzy (1972)
From Russia with Love (1963)

Gabriel Over the White House (1933)
Gallipoli (1981)

Gaslight (1940)

Gaslight (1944)

Gentleman’s Agreement (1947)

God’s Little Acre (1958)
God’s Not Dead (2014)
Godzilla, King of the Monsters! (1956)
Gojira (1954)
Gone Girl (2014)
Gone With the Wind (1939)

Gone with the Wind (the Novel and the Movie)
Gosnell:  The Trial of America’s Biggest Serial Killer (2018)

Greystoke: The Legend of Tarzan, Lord of the Apes (1984)
Hardcore (1979)

Harvey (1950)
Häxan:  Witchcraft Through the Ages (1922)
Heaven Can Wait (1978)
Heaven Is for Real (2014)
Here Comes Mr. Jordan (1941)
Hell or High Water (2016)
High Society (1956)

Hombre (1967)

Home from the Hill (1960)

Hud (1963)

Human Desire (1954)

I Confess (1953)
I Was a Teenage Werewolf (1957)
Imitation of Life (1934)
Imitation of Life (1959)

In Cold Blood (1967)
Inherit the Wind (1960)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1956)
Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)
Invasion of the Star Creatures (1962)
It (2017)
It Came from Beneath the Sea (1955)
It Follows (2014)
JFK (1973)
Joe (1970)

Johnny Belinda (1948)
Jules and Jim (1962)
Juno (2007)
Kalifornia (1993)

Kate & Leopold (2001)
Killing Jesus (2015)

King Kong (1933)
King of Kings (1927)
King of Kings (1961)

Kiss Me Deadly (1955)
Kitty Foyle (1940)

La Bête Humaine (1938)

Lady for a Day (1933)

Laura (1944)
Lean on Me (1989)

Leave Her to Heaven (1945)

Lifeboat (1944)
Liliom (1930)
Lost Horizon (1937)
Love Actually (2003)

M (1931)
M (1951)

Madame Bovary (1949)
Made for Each Other (1939)
Magnificent Obsession (1957)
Mario Puzo’s The Godfather: The Complete Epic 1901-1959 (2016)

Marnie (1964)
Martyrs of the Alamo (1915)
Match Point (2005)

McLintock! (1963)
Men with Steel Faces (1940)

Metropolis (1927)

Mission to Moscow (1943)
Moses (1995)
Moses the Lawgiver (1975)
Mr. Deeds (2002)
Mr. Deeds Goes to Town (1936)

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington (1939)

Mulholland Dr. (2001)

Murder, My Sweet (1944)

Murmur of the Heart (1971)

My Son John (1952)

Nightmare Alley (1947 and 2021)

North by Northwest (1959)

Not Without My Daughter (1991)

Notorious (1946)
Obvious Child (2014)

Odds Against Tomorrow (1959)

On the Waterfront (1954)

Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

Once Upon a Time in the West (1968)
Out of Africa (1985)

Out of the Past (1947)

Panic in the Year Zero (1962)
Pather Panchali (1955)
Philadelphia (1993)
Play Misty for Me (1971)
Pretty Woman (1990)

Psycho (1960)
Queen of Outer Space (1958)

Quo Vadis (1951)
Radio Ranch (1940)

Rear Window (1954)

Re-Animator (1985)
Red State (2014)

Regarding Henry (1991)

Repulsion (1965)

Rifkin’s Festival (2020)

Road to Singapore (1940)
Roman Holiday (1953)
Rope (1948)

Rosemary’s Baby (1968)
Saboteur (1942)

Saigon (1947)
San Francisco (1936)

Scaramouche (1952)

Scarlet Street (1945)
Scream (1996)

Sergeant Rutledge (1960)
Shadow of a Doubt (1943)

Shoot (1976)

Siesta (1987)
Skyfall (2012)

Something About Amelia (1984)

Song of the South (1946)

Soylent Green (1973)

Splendor in the Grass (1961)

Spotlight (2015)
Stairway to Heaven (1946)

Start the Revolution Without Me (1973)
Stella Dallas (1937)
Storm Warning (1951)
Straw Dogs (1971)
Straw Dogs (2011)
Studs Lonigan (1960)
Studs Lonigan (1979)
Summer of ’42 (1971)
Sunrise (1927)
Suspicion (1941)
Swoon (1992)

Tarzan and His Mate (1934)

Tarzan the Ape Man (1932)

Ten Little Indians (1965)
That Forsyte Woman (1949)

The 39 Steps (1935)
The Americans (2013- )

The Asphalt Jungle (1950)

The Believer (2001)
The Best Man (1964)

The Best Years of Our Lives (1946)
The Big Fisherman (1959)
The Big Sleep (1946)

The Birds (1963)
The Birth of a Nation (1915)

The Blue Dahlia (1946)
The Boy with Green Hair (1948)

The Bridge on the River Kwai (1957)

The Caine Mutiny (1954)

The Cincinnati Kid (1965)
The Creation of the Humanoids (1962)
The Day the Earth Stood Still (1951)
The Devil and Daniel Webster (1941)

The Falcon Takes Over (1942)
The Fall of the Mohicans (1965)
The Forsyte Saga (1967) [TV Mini-Series]
The Forsyte Saga (2002) [TV Mini-Series]
The Ghost and Mrs. Muir (1947)
The Glass Key (1942)
The Godfather (1972)
The Godfather: Part II (1974)
The Godfather: Part III (1990)
The Godless Girl (1929)

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly (1966)
The Gospel According to Saint Matthew (1964)

The Graduate (1967)

The Grapes of Wrath (1940)
The Greatest Story Ever Told (1965)
The Green Pastures (1936)
The Hasty Heart (1949)

The Hidden (1987)

The Horn Blows at Midnight (1945)
The Hunt (2020)

The Hustler (1961)

The Invention of Lying (2009)

The Iron Mask (1929)

The Lady Vanishes (1938)
The Last Hurrah (1958)

The Last of Sheila (1973)
The Last of the Mohicans (1920)
The Last of the Mohicans (1936)
The Last of the Mohicans (1971)
The Last of the Mohicans (1977)
The Last of the Mohicans (1992)
The Last Temptation of Christ (1988)

The Letter (1929)
The Letter (1940)
The Letter (1982)

The Maltese Falcon (1941)

The Man I Married (1940)

The Man in the Iron Mask (1939)

The Man in the Iron Mask (1977)

The Man in the Iron Mask (1998)

The Man Who Shot Liberty Valance (1962)

The Manchurian Candidate (1962)
The Mark of Zorro (1940)
The Mask of Fu Manchu (1932)
The Most Dangerous Game (1932)
The Music Man (1962)
The Naked Jungle (1954)
The Next Voice You Hear… (1950)

The Nun’s Story (1959)
The Phantom Empire (1935)
The Philadelphia Story (1940)

The Postman Always Rings Twice (1946)

The Postman Always Rings Twice (1981)

The Prince and the Pauper (1937)
The Quiet American (1958)
The Quiet American (2002)
The Rainmaker (1956)
The Razor’s Edge (1946)
The Razor’s Edge (1984)

The Scarlet Letter
The Searchers (1956)
The Shining (1980)

The Sign of the Cross (1932)
The Southerner (1945)
The Spiral Road (1962)
The Story of Moses (1978)
The Sum of All Fears (2002)
The Ten Commandments (1923)
The Ten Commandments (1956)
The Ten Commandments (1979)
The Ten Commandments (2006)
The Testament of Dr. Mabuse (1933)
The Threat (1949)
The Umbrellas of Cherbourg (1964)
The Way We Were (1973)

The Way of All Flesh

The White Lotus (2021 and 2022)
The Wizard of Oz (1939)
The World of Apu (1959)

The Wrong Man (1956)
There’s Nothing Out There (1991)
They Died with Their Boots On (1941)
Things to Come (1936)
Three Billboards outside Ebbing, Missouri (2017)
Three Violent People (1956)
To Hell and Back (1955)
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962)
Tom, Dick and Harry (1941)

Ulysses (1954) and The Odyssey (1997)

Unforgiven (1992)
Unplanned (2019)
Vanity Fair (1932)
Vanity Fair (1998) [TV Mini-Series]
Vanity Fair (2004)
Vertigo (1958)

Wagon Master (1950)

Wee Willie Winkie (1937)
Westworld (2016- )
What Dreams May Come (1998)
What the #$*! Do We (K)now!? (2004)
Where Are My Children? (1916)

Where Danger Lives (1950)
Witness for the Prosecution (1957)

Written on the Wind (1956)
You Can’t Take It with You (1938)

Young at Heart (1954)

When It Is Truly Better to Give Than to Receive

This is the time of the year when many people worry about their weight, fearing that the obligatory feasting occasioned by Thanksgiving can mean additional unwanted pounds.  However, as the poet says,

    “Stuff your gut with tons of food,
    And then collapse while muscles pound.
    Don’t claim Thanksgiving’s the reason,
    You eat this way all year ’round.”
                    —Mad Magazine

As we enter that period of the year known as the holiday season, I look back to the days of my youth with fond remembrance for a time past.  There is one memory that stands out from all the rest, however, a memory of someone for whom I was able to impart a feeling for Christmas that I have no doubt is with him to this day. The story begins when I was in the eighth grade, right after we returned from being off on Thanksgiving, while we were all still flush with the warmth of a day spent with friends and family. Our homeroom teacher announced that we would have a Christmas party, in which gifts would be exchanged anonymously.  We drew names out of a hat, a Santa’s hat if I recall, and the one I picked was that of a fellow named Kenny.  The teacher instructed us that the gift was to cost less than $1.00.

Even though that was back in the day when a dollar was a dollar, this limit constituted something of a challenge, for there was not much one could buy for less than a buck.  The weeks went by, and nothing I came across in any of the department stores seemed appropriate.  With the deadline just three days away, I happened to go into a convenience store after school to get a Coke, and there on the rack was my last best hope:  a three-dimensional, paint-by-numbers dog, brush and paint included, for just 99¢.  I bought it, took it home and wrapped it, and at school the next day, I slipped it under the tree.

The day of the party arrived, which was held in the cafeteria, and the gifts were doled out accordingly.  I remember getting a belt kit:  a bunch of individual pieces of material that, when properly strung together, would hold your pants up.  We all know how kids feel about getting clothes for Christmas, but that didn’t bother me.  Having spent three weeks searching for a present myself, I appreciated the gift-giver’s resourcefulness in finding anything for less than a dollar that would pass muster.

Other students were not quite so forgiving.  There was a grim silence at one table, and grumbling at the next, but any delight at having received a splendid gift was nowhere to be heard.  One kid, with a miniature harmonica clutched in his hand, was storming up and down, swearing an oath of vengeance:  “I’ll kill him!  I’ll kill him!”  As I viewed this disturbing display of wrath, I was aware of someone sitting down at my table, right across from me.  It was Kenny.

I should note that Kenny and I were not friends.  In fact, he had never spoken to me before, as best I can remember.  But there he was.  He tossed the three-dimensional, paint-by-numbers dog on the table, and, just as if we were old pals, said, “Would you look at this?  Can you believe anyone would give somebody a present this dumb?”  I shook my head as if in disbelief, while commiserating with his misfortune.  Now, you might think that my feelings were hurt by this callous disparagement of my present, but, inasmuch as I was something of a nerd, I was actually flattered that it never it occurred to him that I might be the culprit.  In any event, I was not about to disabuse him of his presumption.

Not long after that, my father was transferred, and we moved far away. There, in another city, I spent the bulk of my high school years.  Then, in my senior year, just after Thanksgiving, we moved back, and found an apartment in the same neighborhood as before.  I registered in the nearby high school, and, as the homerooms were still organized alphabetically, I recognized many of the students from the eighth grade, although if any of them recognized me, they were not letting on.

Except Kenny.  “John, did you used to live here before?” he asked, as I took the seat the teacher assigned to me.  “Yeah.  In the eighth grade,” I replied. And that was the second time he had ever spoken to me.

The following week, the homeroom teacher stood up in front of the class, and asked, “Do we want to have a Secret Santa Christmas party in which we exchange gifts after drawing names?”  She assumed, along with most of the other students in the class, that there would be a discussion on the subject, perhaps followed by a vote, all democratic like.

“No!”  Kenny said loudly, shaking his head back and forth.  “We are not going to have another one of those Christmas parties.  When I was in the eighth grade, I got a gift that was dumb.  I mean, it was really DUMB!  And I don’t want to ever do that again.”  Neither the teacher nor any of the students dared contradict him.  And so, there was no party that year.  And that was too bad. Because maybe, just maybe, I could have drawn his name again.  And maybe, just maybe, I could have found another paint-by-numbers dog.